When I see you, I’m a 10… On the [Mohs scale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohs_scale_of_mineral_hardness#Minerals).

Members of my family suffer from a medical condition called “death,” but it only strikes late in life.

I was really bad in school. I failed maths so many times, I can’t even count.

What do you call a woman-hating masseuse? A massage-onist.

I dared my little brother to lick my dad’s ass, and he did. So he dared me to lick my sister’s pussy. Just FYI, the ass is called Toots and my sister’s cat is Mr. Pickle. We’re both 9 and 12

What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement.

What is a grave digger’s favorite element on the periodic table? Barium

Why did the hipster burn himself while eating pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool.

(not sure if repost) What do you call a black man that drives an airplane? A fucking pilot you racist!

What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don’t take me for granite!