“Want to hear a joke about potassium?” “Yes” “K”

SATURDAY TIP: simply because mother has fallen asleep that’s no reason to stop the footrub

Why did the cz-75 get the girl pregnant? It took too long to pull out.

Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?

This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik’s Cube. If you kids don’t know what a Rubik’s Cube is, it’s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.

Son of Sam I Am, a serial killer who targets people who won’t try new foods.

I am 99% sure USA’s Student’s t is 2.576. Because America got an infinite degree of freedom.

What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka? Dead.

Our topic today: Should we legalize monster trucks? We’ll speak to monster truck expert Kevin, age 8. He believes they are “cool and big.”

I’m writing a movie script about a group of Kenyan refugees who are breaking track records in a suburban American high school… I call it, “Fast times at Ridgemont High”