The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It’s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there’s a dragon guarding it…

What did the ghost say to the bee? Boo bee!

I went to a show at the zoo, but the monkeys went wild and stated flinging poo at everybody… What a shit show

I got kicked out of a store trying to buy condoms All I wanted was to use their fitting room!

Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box. Badum tiss.

Am I crazy… … or does it smell like boogers in here?

I grow herbs in my bed. Bed thyme.

A girl runs up to her mother with a pile of crap in her hand “Look what I almost stepped in!”

I was doing so well getting over my viagra addiction… But I couldn’t keep it up.

Hey you know how people say they hate math because it doesn’t make sense? I think that is unfair because math loves them. The problem is that math shows its love by playing hard to get.