How can you tell if someone is having a stroke? There is lotion and used tissues laying around

What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson? The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside.

Does anyone else bring a bag of clever disguises to the grocery store in case there’s a wine sampling booth that day?

my glass eye is freaking you out? sorry I didn’t real eyes.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? SNOWBALLS

I was screwing this African woman last night, she kept yelling the N word It was really hard to concentrate with her screaming no the entire time

mmmm This chocolate speaks my language. Or it would, if it weren’t being eaten. So. I guess it’s probably horrified-screaming my language.

did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison? he is a small medium, at large

Who’s your dad’s cousin’s cousin’s daughter to you? A potential Tinder date.

To err is human; to Air Bud is dog!!!!