What do you call a black guy in a museum? Antique farm equipment

Whats the difference between a canoe and a jew? One tips the other doesn’t.

How did a sexy but unqualified Japanese woman get voted into public office? Erections

Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.

Why shouldn’t you let your kids run more than a mile? Because at the second mile they get raped.

How do you reheat a cold war? You nuke it.

What is a polygon? A dead parrot.

Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I’m way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!

make your life more efficient by cutting out the middle man. quit your job. kill your friends. throw your food directly into the toilet.

Flight to Vegas…guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.