if it’s called morning wood for men then what is it for women.. Morning dew.

What if Stephen Hawking is the real Slim Shady? But we’ll never know, because he can’t stand up?

It’s so cold this morning I had to seperate my dogs poop into two seperate bags and use them as hand warmers.

What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand? *hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! 😀 … wait what were YOU THINKING?!?!?!

Did you hear about that new species of mosquito? It’s called the Nickelback, it really sucks.

So what do Islam and Subway Sandwich Shop have in common? A: They both had a pedophile spokesman. http://www.citizenliberty.com/2015/11/so-what-do-islam-and-subway-common.html

What’s the difference between a fish and a mountain goat? Fish muck about in fountains…

I have a new job. I’m a dressing room attendant for dancers at a strip club. $300/week. That’s not much, but it’s all I can afford.

Diary June 28 1954 So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this. June 30 1954 I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok

Conjecture: At some point in 2013, our neighbors will get so high that they accidentally sell their own weed. For weed money. To buy weed.