How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to screw in the light bulb and three to talk about how Neil Peart could’ve done it better.

Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?

What’s another name for a boxy plow pulling baby maker? A Mexican. Make America great again! Vote the Donald!

Make love not war… Or do both – get married.

Black people, want to piss white people off? Open a restaurant. And don’t serve coffee or brunch.

“You have a BA? Ooooh! Look at you! Well, I have a BA, an MA, & a PhD.” – 3rd degree burn

What’s Hitler’s favorite videogame? Mein Kraft.

Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure.

You guys, my mom wants to know if any of you are going to give her grandchildren.

What’s the difference between an apple and a baby? I don’t cum on an apple before i eat it.