Kanye’s acceptance speech on the VMA’s

I have an intense fear of hiccups Luckily, I only ever have one.

I seriously thought the slang phrase ‘This place is ‘crackalackin!’, actually meant ‘This place is lacking white people’.

Wine doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you have to drink a lot of it.

Women with large breasts are generally more successful than men with large breasts.

Why are European cars the lightest? because there’s no Americans sitting in them.

Did you hear about the blonde who put “Sagittarius” at the bottom of application forms where it said “Sign Here”.

Did you hear about the half-assed hitman? He assinated his targets.

What do you call someone incapable of eating people? A can’t-ibal

Invention: When your heart stops beating, your smartphone and laptop instantaneously explode. PATENT PENDING!!