I’ve been cheating on you guys. Lately, I’ve been spending my time on my job and real life. They don’t mean anything to me, I swear.

Teacher : Can’t you retain anything in your head overnight ? Pupil : Of course I’ve had this cold in my head for two days !

I tried bringing sexy back but the lady at Walmart assured me I didn’t get it there.

How is circumcision like the Great Jedi Purge? They both get rid of the force kin!

Why doesnt ray charles see his friends ? Because he is married .

How do you determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes

“That goddamn janitor drew a dick on the chalkboard again!” (Bad Will Hunting.)

What is a tresspasser’s least favorite number? The number 86. (No seriously. Google “86”.)

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Mars has 2 moons. Venus has no moons. Do you see where I’m getting at? Men, GIVE BACK OUR MOON!

Why don’t they have sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in the middle east? There are never enough camels to go around.