I’ve been hearing a lot about mass murderers lately…. It must be a scary time to be catholic.

The worst thing a woman can ask a man is “Guess what today is.”

Then: Me: I want McDonald’s Mom: Do you have McDonald’s money? Now: Mom: I want grandkids Me: Do you have grandkids money??

If green gummy bears are strawberry flavored, what is the flavor of yellow gummy bears? PHLEGMon

Ok everyone enough of your “family” time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.

Why type of lightning likes to play sports? -Ball lightning

What’s the favorite subject of young witches at school? Spelling.

Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn’t even bat an eye.

Do you know how to disappoint a fellow redditor? [deleted]

Do you ever get that creepy deja vu feeling? [credit](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2tc8bn/how_do_you_subtly_fuck_with_people/cny3ig0)