I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned.

I got a joke… your life

What comes before OP? QWERTYUI

My favorite Kardashian is the one who dies first.

“My anger began to flow through me like hot mountain sweat..” Um, don’t you mean “Lava”? “…like warm hill pee”

They’ve finally renamed my gym “Skinny Guys with Giant Headphones Loudly Dropping Small Weights.”

What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today gone tomorrow.

God: What’s that? Noah: The aquarium God: For what? Noah: The fish God: Fish can survive floods Noah: *kicks llama* YOU SAID EVERY ANIMAL

Say no to shampoo. Demand real poo.

What did the Gay techie say? I do queries.