I just had a nice lunch in the park; homeless people don’t have it so bad after all.

I had a Crazy Dream Wait for dreams to come up in conversation. I had a crazy dream last night. I drempt I was a muffler… and when i woke up I was exhausted.

You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!

When going through TSA inspection at the airport, there’s no telling how long it will take… … All belts are off .

How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren’t getting enough fiber?

When I first met your mom, I fell in love with her because she had a kind face… The kind of face I want to fuck the shit out of!

How do they practice safe sex in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick.

I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe.

(real news) Chinese archaeologists have discovered the country’s oldest mathematics document, written on bamboo more than 2,200 years ago! Even more amazing – one of the answers is wrong.

Life Pro Tip: Putting your phone in airplane mode will stop ads while you play.