Does anybody want this last piece of rain forest?

When a grammar Nazi gets sad give them a hug and say “There, their, they’re.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. “Watch where you’re going!” exclaims the woman. “Sorry, I’m dyslexic and I thought this was a bar, can I get you a drink?”

It doesn’t matter what kind of brain is attached. Good boobs is good boobs.

Why was Simba’s dad killed by the pride? Because he didn’t mufasa.

Why did the black child cross the road? To get to the other side

Sean Spicer getting very upset with the media for not reporting that Trump put up a 28/13/11 triple double against the Rockets yesterday.

Why didn’t the tree like to play checkers? Because it was a chesnut tree.

[back from the ultrasound] MOTHER-IN-LAW: So did you see the fetus? ME: Fetus, handus, legus…there was practically a whole baby in there!

They say Kurt Cobain had two blue eyes…. one blew on to the wall, the other blew through the window