Swallow it dammit, it’s good for you Your Pride

Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I’m seated then return & just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.

What sport are Mexicans best at? Cross country.

What did the boy say when he had trouble using glue? I’m stuck.

So my lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday… They got me a Rolex. I guess they misunderstood when I said “I wanna watch”.

Me: “If only the man upstairs could have blessed you with brains as well as beauty.” Wife: “Why the hell is there a man upstairs?”

Remember when you were a kid and you used to blow bubbles? He said hi…

parents, think twice before dressing your child as Cecil the Lion this year. my son will be dressed as a dentist, and I gave him a real gun

What do you call someone whose GPA is greater than the number of inches their dick is? Asian

Hey lady, did you know I’m a Pokemon? Because I Pikachu while you sleep.