What do you call a yak that wants to talk to you about a network marketing opportunity? A cognac

Poop jokes… are the shit.

Q: What kind of dog does a dracula like? – A: A Bloodhound.

Q: What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months? A: An Apple turnover.

I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I’m too old for games.

They’ve just released a female version of Viagra. It’s called Niagara.

[first date] “What’s wrong?” I don’t like the ambulance in this place [sniggering] “You mean ambience” [next table] NEE NAW NEE NAW WOOOOOO

I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.

[at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* “No…why do you ask?”

I never thought I’d buy into Feng Shui But oh how the tables have turned.