Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey? The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.

Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.

Origami You never realise how good you are at it until your toilet paper starts running out

How do you insult a hamburger patty? Call it a meatball!

How Do U Kill A Retard? Give him a knife and say “who’s special?”

Q: Have you seen the polish mine detector. A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.

I got my wife tickets on a cruise ship. It’s no Titanic, but I’m optimistic.

Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account? Because he only had 12 followers.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

I personally think that Halloween should be moved To November 8 (it’ll be more scary)