It must be pretty bad being the wife of a suicide bomber… Because if they come home after work, they’ve had a bad day.

Today I have learnt – if you try and give someone the finger whilst wearing mittens, you are basically just showing them your mittens.

You can tell Tim Horton’s is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.

my book club evolved into a fight club so gradually I almost didn’t notice

Breaking News:Will.i.am has eye removed. Now he’s just Will Am (I’m sorry it only works in speech form)

Why are hamburgers essential to football? Because the game is played on a griddle-iron!

TIFU by getting meatball marinara instead of steak and cheese… Oops, wrong sub

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.

My 6yo daughter’s teacher just gave me a “Most Improved Ponytail” award.

What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don’t like ? They ‘turnip’ their noses.