A vegan, an atheist, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar…. The only reason I knew is that they wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it.

What do you call a black man flying a plane? The pilot.

I’ve never been one for Nazi jokes… I’ve been nein for them.

*emerges from a large magic lamp,* it’s me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like ‘drive me to the airport’

Policeman: Why didn’t you stop at that red light? Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

Costume Ideas For Halloween, you should dress up as Pavlov. Not everyone will get it, but it should ring a bell.

How can I ever be happy… If I was born crying?

What is the Terminators Muslim name? Al Bi Baq

The more we ban gluten, the black market demand for it skyrockets and the Mexican gluten cartels make a killing.

My garbage disposal can’t even handle this banana and now I’m wondering if I actually have a garbage disposal.