Friends don’t force friends to watch ‘funny’ YouTube videos.

Atilla the Hun, Adolf Hitler and a lawyer are stranded with you on a island … – and you have a gun with only 2 bullets, who do you shoot? — The lawyer twice.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that.

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill.

Time to get a haircut. Unless somebody knows an easier way to get a dude’s dick on your arm.

How can you tell when an Italian car has a flat tire? Dago wop wop wop

I invented a new joke today! Plagiarism!

Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her? Me: No, I meant you’re standing in front of me.

Hahaha this stupid baby on the bus thinks they can cry louder than me

Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year’s resolution to turn that around. Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.