Keep away from professional dermatologists.. They make rash decisions

funny how people who earn philosophy degrees probably at some point ask themselves “why did i do this”

Why is the peanut crying? Because he couldn’t handle his roast

Butter must be southern Because it’s usually inbred

What do you call an underage gang bang? Bohymen Rapecity

The new Battlefield 1 looks so damn good, you could say… They just knocked Call of Duty into space.

Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs! She made me do it all.

Whenever i am lonely or depressed my piano makes me feel better… Its an appreciating asset.

Whats the problem with tainted money? It taint yours and it taint mine 😀 (Puns for the win? :D)

I like my women the way… I like my wine…12 years old and in the cellar.