Why did Microsoft skip straight to 10? Because Windows 7, 8, 9. I’ll see myself out.

Boss set out a bowl of hard candy in the break room, so I guess we had our Christmas party today.

My Girlfriend thought we should get Friends With Benefits. I dumped her, I can’t stand Justin Timberlake.

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak? [x-post /r/puns] Scotch.

Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end? Doctors say his condition is stable.

Can’t believe Sting isn’t the lead singer of the Scorpions

It’s a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.

What do ISIS want for Christmas? Turkey, apparently.

Who served as the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]

I’m quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven’t lost a pound and I’m getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal.