What’s worse than seeing a worm in an apple u just bit into? Holocaust

Last night, Gotye won Record of the Year. Parents were like, “Who’s Gotye?” while their kids were like, “What’s a record?

What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits.

What’s the difference between a leper and a tree? A tree has limbs.

What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both glide around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!

Smart people don’t call themselves smart – me included.

I went to France yesterday to see a soccer match… I had a blast!

What’s Pharma Bro’s favorite musical? Rent.

Looking for someone to shovel my snow while dressed as a stormtrooper. No weirdos.

Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.