Happy 10th birthday to your dating profile pic.

What’s the difference between princess Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods has a better driver

How do you test a pirate for crabs? Swab the deck!

I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live… I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years.

Francois Hollande.

I learned from ‘The Exorcist’ That when it comes to souls, possession is 9/10 of the law. Changed slightly from a comment made by /u/boobiesucker

the printer in my office is fondly called Bob Marley it keeps jamming

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead. I’ll give these two a lift. Edit: Someone didn’t like the word guys in it

Ripping a blaring fart every now and then lets your masseuse know who’s in charge.

What time does a mechanic wake up? Oily!