GF: What’s my biggest flaw? ME: You haven’t got any, you’re perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up

Algorithm A former vice president playing the drums

Do you know how to cook toilet paper? Me either, but I know how to brown it on one side.

Why did the number 6 cry? Because 7 8 9. (7 ate 9)

I’ve just wrecked myself. I wish I’d checked myself beforehand.

Once you’ve seen one shopping centre… …you’ve seen a mall

How do I tell a man he loves me?

What is a Polish person’s favorite weapon? A Warsaw…

The two hardest things in programming? Naming things, caching things and off-by-one errors!

There is no “I” in “team.” But there’s an “I” in “Tim,” and my friend Carlos pronounces it “team” so….there