My therapist asked me to stop wanking. I asked how long i should stop for… He said at least until i left his office

Do these jeans make me look fat? And don’t cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio’s girlfriend

Q: What’s Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you’ve paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family–you’re happy.

I thought I’d found the perfect website to help me overcome my fear of flying until it crashed.

Alabama: where the men are men and the sheep are scared

Where do people from Laos like to swim? In Laotian.

Don Draper and Meiosis get together for an advertisement meeting. They agree on one thing. Sex Cells.

The Last Time I can Make this Joke I happy to see Caitlyn Jenner is happy, but I was disappointed she did not go with the name I suggested- Bruce Jennerfer.

Why hasn’t a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented? What are our scientists doing?

No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.