When it comes to friends…I’d rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies.

Immigrants are like sperm millions get in but only one works.

what do you call a Canadian alien? ehh lmao

I wouldn’t want to live forever. I don’t even want to stay at a party past eleven.

Why was the Mexican tire sad? Because it was despair

What was so special about Bounty’s new line of paper towels? nothing they were tearable.

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality I don’t know what that means, but must be pretty good if I’ve got it.

Why does Santa carry a heavy sack? Because he come once in an year.

What’s the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go in a store without Robin

When birds fly in a ‘V’ formation, one arm of the V is usually longer than the other. Do you know why that is? There are more birds on that side.