It’s HOMOsapiens, not HETEROsapiens. It’s the Bi-ble, not the Straight-ble.

Feel like Woods household right now is a bunch of people brainstorming, “what is any other plausible reason for this accident?”

I found a way to make my dick 9 inches long I fold it in half

Where does sans live? Sans francisco

ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it’s still beeping, check to see if ur on fire

A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.

A friend of mine is so politically correct…. At the deli he is afraid to ask for ” white American ” cheese.

*jumps out of plane* *begins reading parachute instruction manual* STEP 1: PUT ON PARACHUTE *looks up* Well hell

What did one window say to the other window? I’m in pane

You get to sleep all day, cat, that’s why I get the good food.