Q: Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? A: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human.

I feel like my rear end turns into Billy Mayes whenever I get diarrhea… “Butt wait, there’s more!”

Fact: If you ever blow me a kiss, I’m catching it and sticking it down my pants.

Setting up a Moses business would be simple except for one setback… Staff problems.

UK /r/jokesters, tell me the most British joke you can think of. The less my American brain can comprehend it, the better!

I met a girl last night at a bar… She said she wanted the night to be magical… So i fucked her and disappeared.

So my neighbor asked me to fix her sink She’s obviously never seen a porno because it’s been an hour and I’m still fixing the damn sink

What did the Buddhist monk say when he approached the hotdog stand? Make me one with everything.

So I beat a Russian Grand Master once. With his own cane.

[March 15] Brutus: Going 2 the senate? Caesar: yeah u? Brutus: yep it’ll be killer Caesar: how so? Brutus: like cool u know rad senate stuff