I was told if I got robbed when I was camping, it would invalidate my insurance… They said if my tent gets stolen, I’ll no longer be covered.

* Knock knock. – Who is there? * It’s the police. We have received complaints about the noise.

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ? Turns over a new leaf !

How to give your woman 12 inches and make her bleed. Bang her twice and punch her in the mouth.

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection… “Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog,” said the vet.

How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? “No, that’s all right. I’ll just sit here in the dark.”

I’m like a single electron… Sometimes, when no one is watching, I interfere with myself.

Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I’m you from the future.

Who will pay ? If two gays are on a Date for the dinner,Who will pay the bill ?

ME: Excuse me…Where’s the rowing boat equipment? EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: Or you’ll what?