So I heard you’re having sex with fruit. What are you, fucking bananas?

“I better pee first.” – me, before doing anything

What’s green with a brown tip? The cucumbers in Elton John’s fridge.

What do you call a seven course Irish meal? A 6-pack and a potato.

In many U.S. States offenders receive a harsher penalty for hitting a dog than they do for hitting a woman. That’s outrageous either way you’re slapping a bitch

So anyone know how much a Polar Bear weighs? About enough to break the ice………..

Turns out chiropractors aren’t actually dinosaurs.

What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy

How long after the first date should I wait before asking to get my bra & panties back?

You mama’s so fat