*boss trying to relate to younger employees* “Excited for the weekend? I know I’ll be *looks down at Wikipedia print-out* Yoloing for sure!”

I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.

Italian Guy with a problem What do you call an Italian guy with one arm shorter than the other? A Speech Impediment 🙂

What is E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling “I HAVE THE POWEEER!” like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.

A comedian walks into a bar full of r/historians.. [deleted]

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

What do feminists and zookeepers have in common? Nothing. Feminists have nothing in common with anyone.

“Charlie, I want a divorce.” [in a black robe sacrificing a chicken on a satanic blood alter] Why?

It’ll be a cold day in hell. Cloudy in purgatory, with a slight chance of rain. And clear skies up in heaven. Now over to Jim with sports.