Steven Hawking walks into a bar… Just kidding.

Have you ever eaten African food… Neither have they

What do you call a bird that has been molested? Rustled Crow

What’s a police officers favorite console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I’ve got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. 😀

I met a hot chick That girl was on fire.

A man asks a woman: “-Did you know that laughter is second best way to convince a girl to have sex with you ? ” “-Really, what is the first ?” “-A knife.” “-Hahaha, you’re so funny !” “-Good choice.”

What’s Gordon Ramsay’s least favorite movie? IT’S FROOOOOOOZZZZEEEN

My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.

The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Lifeguards wouldn’t let Obama in the pool because he had weeping *legions*