A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: “You can’t park anywhere near this place!”

Chemistry Joke (maybe) Bro catches his bro red handed… Bro mine 😀

Did you know that Princess Diana was on her cell phone when she died? She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the roadside…

Gonna get a tattoo of two big trucks crashing into each other and then maybe there’s like a scorpion on the side of the road doing push-ups.

Today’s menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the f*ck up!

If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off… It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.

The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I’m eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.

Non alcoholic beer is like eating out your sister Tastes the same as others, but it just isn’t right…

Just ONCE, I’d like took deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.

Critics are calling my performance of Wife Pretending To Care About Her Husband’s Work Story “emotionally charged” and “daring”.