What’s the difference between a captain and a lt.col ? A major difference.

Three friends partner to setup a law firm. They are Ivanna Firm, Harry Butt and Richard Ox.

I met the inventor of the trampoline. He’s an all round nice guy, but a bit jumpy.

My diet could best be described as, “unchaperoned child at a birthday party.”

The TV remote, the G-spot and black dads. Some things are just made not to be found.

(climbing out of my coffin) I’m sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]

Looked up from my phone for a few minutes. Wasn’t worth it.

I’m lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It’s just a shame I’m a lefty.

Let he has never told a bad joke Cast the first tomato

Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!? *5mins later* Me: I need a new room.