A rabbi a priest and a crocodile walk into a bar Chuck Norris mother fuckers…..whoooooooooooooo

Sometimes I’ll just go “liking” some shit on the Internet and I honestly don’t even know if I really mean it.

“I gave him the what for!” “What for?” “Because he deserved it, that’s what for!”

Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad.

Titanic sank 103 years ago… …making it the only thing your mom didn’t go down on! Hi-YO!

Why do the bees have honey? Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

what do you call a cat that copies off others’ exam papers? a cheetah

When it comes to the topic of body dysmorphia and gender assumptions, i’m not a fan. Infact I identify more closely to an air conditioning unit.

50% of mariachi bands end in divorciachi.

I’m going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn’t pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.