[Library] MAN: Do you have books on fire? LIBRARIAN: Yes, in the Chemistry section MAN: Come on boys! *Swarms of firemen enter with hoses*

A racist joke What is the difference between a pizza and a black guy? A pizza can feed a family of four.

Me and the other guys from the circus…. … took a night off to see some stand-up comedy but he was really mean and cutting. He went straight for the juggler.

Here’s to the stork that brings good babies… “Here’s to the stork that brings good babies, the crow that brings bad babies, and the swallow that brings no babies at all!”

Did you know that Truett Cathy, Founder of Chick-fil-A, wanted a CFA sandwich for his last meal? Unfortunately, he died on a Sunday.

I Used to do Drugs I still do, but I used to too

Learning how to say “where the hell am I?” in eight languages. Just in case.

I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I’m on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I’m famous

I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death.

I always get nervous before injections so I shut my eyes. I usually end up stabbing the chair.