If you ever Google “Grandfather Clock”, be careful how you spell that shit.

Myth: Have kids close in age. It gets easier and they’ll have a friend to play with Fact: They’ll fight. Every hour. Every day.

Should I bring anything to your party besides pronounced social anxiety and no food

What’s your favourite food if you hate Microsoft Word? TeX-MeX

What did the confused bee say ? To bee or not to bee !

I like to nickname my penis Buzz Lightyear Because he likes to travel to the star and beyond

Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south? Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.

Home Depot law decrees that if two dads are pushing carts down the same isle, the dad with the greater mustache has the right of way.

Why do female drivers sit higher up in their seats than male drivers? Because they’re sitting on a box.

I’m not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I’m just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself.