A jaguar asked an colourful arsehole with a big nose to join him in hide and seek… Toucan play that game.

How do they practice safe sex in Wyoming? They mark the sheep that kick.

My dad told me he was gay, i didnt believe him until my other dad comfirmed it

I don’t know what it is, but there is something strangely sexy about the way my grandad gets down doggystyle so I can wipe him. nevermind.

so true story, i just mindlessly outstretched my fingers to graze the rear end of a Macy’s mannequin that turned out to be a real human man

Bruce Willis found dead…. ….bored with acting

How do you break up with a farmer long-distance? A John Deere letter.

Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees.

*drinks small coffee after 8pm* *spends rest of life on internet*

Salesman: first time buying a motorcycle? Me: that obvious? Salesman: nobody asks “how loud is the vroom?” they ask “what’s the vroomage?”