As a quiet and skinny person, I feel like we should charge loud and fat people more to ride the subway. It won’t be difficult to implement either. All we would need to do is charge them by volume.

did you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero? he is OK now.

I don’t envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun.

Joke What is a bed’s motto

After viewing The Aristocrats, What are Redditors version of this joke. Surely this place can come up with some pretty dirty shit for this one.

All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We’ll beg them to beat and gas us, but they’ll be like nope, you didn’t appreciate it

My welcome mat says, “Oh shit! Not you again!”

Why is there only women’s studies in college, but not men’s? Because we call men’s studies history.

Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks.

4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you.