How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it.

look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did

It’s been about 3 years since my last drink and I’m still hungover.

Q: What kind of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? A: Iceberg.

I love posting spam. Although, I’ve been warned again by the Royal Mail not to mail bits of meat in the post.

I Like My Coffee How I Like My Women Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes by a donkey.

The Pink Panther’s To Do list: – To do – To do – To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.

I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don’t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.

Life hack: McDonald’s will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]