What type of fruit do twins prefer? Pears.

Q: What’s the difference between a moose and an ant? A: A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn’t have mooselers.

What language do British wrenches speech? Spanish!

How do you blindfold an Asian person? You put floss over his eyes.

When you hear “I do not love you but we can be friends” it’s like… your mother says “Your dog died but you can keep it”.

What did the unimpressed cheese say? Que… so?

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool

I asked one of my sumo-wrestling friends whether he wanted some sushi for dinner He just replied “No thanks, I’m not a big Japanese guy”

I over-think, therefore I ruin everything

Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition