What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned? A hibearnation.

Why does a VC always enter a room backwards? To keep an eye on the exit

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM I’m out of beer.

There is no Control (Ctrl) button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Me: What’s with the look? Hub: How would you like a full-service massage? Me: I would, but will you and the kids be okay while I’m gone?

Whenever somebody asks us how long we’ve been married… Whenever somebody asks us how long we’ve been married, we always answer: Me: Eight wonderful years. Wife: Eleven years.

I’ve got a new job in a biscuit factory. So far I’ve made a packet.

I want a Michael Corleone in the streets and a horse head in the sheets.

Someone broke a hole in the nudist colony’s fence. Police are looking into it.

Trying to impress a girl who loves jokes about dead hookers. Give me ur best.