When life hands you 2 Lemons 1 cup sugar 2 tbsp flour 3 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup water 2 tbsp butter 4 eggs 1 pie crust you make lemon meringue

I fart like an Egyptian pharoah… We have a toot in common.

What do you call a smelly man who tells terrible jokes? PUN-GENT

I hope everyone on this flight covers for me by standing and announcing “No, I am Fartacus!” as we deplane.

My dog is so excited about me washing the car that I’m starting to think he borrows it while I’m asleep

Hair Stylist: What are we doing today? Me: Let’s do something that will look great here but I’ll have no chance of replicating at home

What do u call a disadvantage for being east-indian Hindi-capped

I got arrested at the airport last week… Apparently, security doesn’t appreciate it when you call “shotgun” before boarding a plane.

What is Harry potters favorite way to get down a hill? Walking….J.K . Rowling

What do you take before every meal? A seat.