Why is it fun to play with matches ? They’re lit.

If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….

Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.

My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto? “Gosh darn it, I’m going to kill myself, or die trying!”

A way you can tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to pronounce the word ‘unionized’

Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you… you always get burned in the end.

You do realize makeup isn’t going to fix your stupidity?

Do you guys remember that party at Bill Cosby’s last weekend? Me neither.

I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA.

I’m holding a party for people who can never reach orgasm If you can’t come let me know.