Did you hear about the terrorist suicide bombers rave party? I heard they had a blast.

To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night, I’m not letting you out!

No end in sight… I can’t see an end. I have no control. I don’t think there’s any escape. I don’t even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard.

What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency?

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ? When the door is open !

New Reality Show: America’s Next Top Proctologist. You only advance to the next round if you get two thumbs up.

Who’s gonna be the next queen of R&B? I don’t know yet but she’s gonna be Beyondce!

Most animals don’t like gore. But leeches are suckers for blood.

9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she’s so cute and at her dad’s I went with all of it!

Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit. One fly cuts a fart. The other one says, “Hey! I’m eatin’ here!”