I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else’s

TRUMP: Let’s get that Muslim Band going “Band? We thought you said ban” TRUMP: No way, that’s harsh. Also, how’s that Mexican mall coming?

“I love my Job!” -Job’s wife

Your momma so fat… Her aides close lanes on the George Washington Bridge

Yeah, I guess you could say I “rescued” my dog. I did stop him right before he was gonna start his own podcast

What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team? The High Five

I think a duck’s opinion of me, is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!

Republicans say it’s raining; Democrats say it’s sunny. Rather than go outside and see for themselves, the media reports the controversy.

Nothing says “We have no faith in our own products” like using a 16 year old girl in your anti-aging cream commercials.

Half of all marriages end in divorce… The other half end in death.