At first I didn’t know how to dig a trench but then I got to the bottom of it.

Did you hear about the man trapped in a nun’s body? His name is God.

Mute goes to a wedding… After the ceremony he won’t let go of his dick and everyone’s a little put off by his public display. With his free hand, he signs “Speak now or forever hold your peace”.

You want to know what marriage is like? Think of a prison… Now don’t change anything.

A Buddhist monk walks up to a Hotdog vender and says “Make me one with everything”

There is an Arab boy lost in the grocery store… The manager of the store walks up to the boy and asks “what does your mother look like?” The boy replies ” I don’t know”.

I farted in church today….. I farted in church today and four people spun around in their seats and looked at me. I felt like I was on the Voice!

Do you know what happens when gay marriage is legalized? BREAKING NEWS: California’s drought is over. Water supply flourishing from the tears of the racist, homophobic, and conservative southerners

ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT

If your mule ate my prize winning bird, what would you have? My 3 foot cock in your ass!