I’ve heard they are re-casting Two and a Half Men with 5 midgets.

Why did the boat dock with the all of the other boats? Pier Pressure

Mexican joke What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos

Just went to a dance for mentally handicapped people It was basically one big slow dance.

I don’t get nervous if I’m surrounded by beautiful women. I know they’re all too busy hating each other to notice me.

My attorney likes to earn from my mistakes.

I’m like a kid. People like me best when I’m quiet or sleeping.

Me: yeah was bingo the name of the dog or the farmer Professor: i meant questions about the exa- holy shit

Happy Groundhog Day everybody!!! So put your little hand in mine and there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb…

I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.