A guy and his dog Guy walks up to his dog and says “I need a divorce” The dog replies “yeah, my wife is a bitch too.”

Let me make an iphone joke Never mind, Ill just come up with a new one

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning? He was *too far out, maaan*.

I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! (Credit to the Pythons)

Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.

Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice.

Why was the snowman smiling? He saw the snowblower coming

Boyfriend VS motorbike ufffff. “Full LOL joke” Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend? A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked ZZZZ … 🙂

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Ali ! Ali who ? Ali-luyah at last you’ve opened the door !