What did the roadman say when he saw the Mona Lisa? That’s a peng ting.

At which fast food restaurant is a hamburger happiest? Arthur Treacher’s Fish and Chips!

Proper punctuation can be the difference between a tweet being well written and a tweet being well, written.

Why was the tampon flying down the school hallway? He was late for his next period.

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women [FIXED] Turns out they’re way harder to pick up than I thought.

Why don’t little girls fart? Because they don’t get an asshole until they get married.

Short people are oppressed They’re always getting overlooked.

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?

An alcoholic walks into a candy store… then a table, then a chair, floor.

My cat is rubbing herself all over me because she wants me to stroke her. It’s like she’s a drunk version of me.